They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
