I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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