I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
