he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
