Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
