I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
