Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
