Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
