smell my finger.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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