I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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