I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
