Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
