So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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