How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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