Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize