Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
