Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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