im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
