I am puke
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
