How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
