I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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