none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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