Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
