I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize