I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
there is puke in my bra ... again
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