Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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