White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
