You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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