you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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