real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
