I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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