I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
