I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
