After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
