hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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