No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
