I'm eating all of the evidence.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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