5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
where does the pee come out of this thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
