I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
