She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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