He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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