ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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