thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
