On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize