I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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