dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
