I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
