my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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