i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
