there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize