you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
