Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
