i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
