Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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