twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize