I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
two words...techno handjob
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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