Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
