Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
