Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
