The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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