I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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