conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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