Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
