i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
