We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
