do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
