ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
