look no pants
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
