How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
