Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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