Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize