you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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