At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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