I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
