she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
