Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize