Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
