After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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