i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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