He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
