I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
