seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They took my balls.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
