He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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