I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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