Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
