Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
