I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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