I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize