you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Someone shit on the floor
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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