he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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