dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
