he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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