3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
