I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
