omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
