you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
