I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
