dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
