Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My bed is full of blood and feathers
foreskin is a definite game changer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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