your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
