apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
