Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
