Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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