How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize