Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
