Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dignity is for republicans.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
