They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
