i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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