1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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