my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
