I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize