Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
