I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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