She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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