PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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