So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
